Archive for April 2010

Its Party Time!!!

April 25, 2010

Its party time folks.
I’ve booked the party hall at Taj Coromandel for the great bash next Saturday. I expect everyone to be there and no excuses will be accepted. Also, I’m gonna be sponsoring your tickets be it whichever country/state you’re coming from.
Highlights of the party!!!

  • DJ being flown in from NYC
  • Dance programme by actress Tamanna 🙂
  • 32 varieties of unlimited food
  • and AN OPEN BAR

I’m sure you’d be eager to know whats behind all these lavish spendings…

Catch your breath folks…

I just got richer by 2.75 million USD.

Yes I’ve now joined the millionaires club 🙂

Check out the below email from some sergeant from Iraq.

Click on the image to see it enlarged.

Millionaire Email

Turning point of my life (Click on the image to view it enlarged)

I’ve already responded to this email and I’ expecting the money anytime now…

Guess what folks…..I’ve just submitted my resignation letter  and also I’ve booked an independent duplex house in Besant Nagar (ofcourse facing the beach:))

Expecting you all on Saturday next week. C’ya.

(psst…I’m still wondering how  Sgt.James Cottingham got my email address..Well I dont care as long as I get my money :))

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Carrot and the Traffic Police

April 21, 2010
Great example of Carrot & Stick approach

Great example of Carrot & Stick approach

(The above image is not mine. So if you are the owner and you want me to take it down, let me know. )

The carrot and stick approach works very well in the IT industry. One of the main carrots for people working in the IT industry is a chance to go abroad (or Onsite in IT terminology). However, whenever I see traffic police in the signals, i’ve often wondered what could be their carrot?? All I’ve seen are the sticks (Chennai Sun, Chennai Car Smoke, Chennai Drivers, Chennai Humidity etc.)  for the traffic cops. So this mini-mokkai post is just an attempt on drawing parallels between an IT professional and a traffic cop in Chennai on their respective Carrots? Non-Chennaiites may find it difficult to grasp the crux of the matter. So please excuse…

Place: An IT Services Company located 45 Kms outside Chennai in a village called ITPudur

Conversation between an IT Developer and an IT Project Manager

IT Developer : Hey boss! How u doing?

IT Project Manager: Hey wats’up? Did you find any defects on the COM objects in downstream systems?

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Place: Nanganallur subway traffic signal

Conversation between a Traffic Cop and a Traffic Sergeant

Traffic Cop: Good Morning Saar

Traffic Sergeant: Aaan!! Ennaya edhavadhu thericha? (Aaan!! Did something materialize?)

(The discussion is continued in parallel from here…)

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IT Developer: Uhh!!! I’ll attend to it today. The reason I wanted to see you is…

IT Project Manager: Hold on! I just gave a couple of printouts in the printer in the 6th floor, obviously since the printer in our floor never works. Ha Ha!. Could you go grab it for me???

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Traffic Cop: Onnyum illa saar! Ippo thaan peak hour starting…Inimey thaan pudikkanum…Saar oru china vishayam…(Nothing till now. Peak hour is just starting. Will catch someone soon. Sir one small matter…)

Traffic Sergeant: Yov iruyya..Poyi modhalla 1 tea,2 molaga bajji vaangittu vaa. Nair kadaila vaangu, namma theru Tea stall oru kuppai..Ha Ha! (Yov wait. Go get me tea and 2 chilli fritters first. Get it from Nair tea stall, the tea stall in out street is garbage.Ha Ha)

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IT Developer: ????? Sure boss. You got it. (Smiles & runs)

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Traffic Cop: ????? Idho saar (punnagai & oduthal) (Righaway Sir!! (Smiles & runs))

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IT Project Manager: Thank you. So you were saying???

IT Developer: Onsite…..

———————————————————————————————————————————————

Traffic Sergeant: Seri..enna matteru? (Ok. What’s the matter?)

Traffic Cop: Teynampet Signal…..

———————————————————————————————————————————————

IT Project Manager: Sorry buddy. You know the situation right? We have 3 people who are senior to you in the team. They need to travel first. And above all, seems like no onsite opening is coming up.

IT Developer: You got to understand boss. Lotsa family commitments. Just bought a house in OMR. The mortgage is sky high and I need to pay my credit card bills, car petrol etc.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

Traffic Sergeant: Yov ennayya avasaram? Innum evlo per waiting list theriyuma? Avan avan 5000, 10000 kuduthuttu wait panranga, ivarukku OCla Teynampet Signal duty venumam..(Yov whats the hurry?? People who have given Rs.5000, Rs.10000 are still in line and you want to go for duty in Teynampet Signal without paying anything…)

Traffic Cop: Illa Saar….veetla neraya selavu. Pasanga schoolukku poranga. Adutha varusham ponna collegela sekkanum….(Not like that sir…Lots of expenses in home. Kids are going to school and my daughter is going to college next year….)

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IT Project Manager: I’ll do my best.

IT Developer: Thanks boss. Even if it’s UK or anyother European countries, I’m ready to travel. Infact I can consider Singapore and Japan as well.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

Traffic Sergeant: Paakkalam..(Will See)

Traffic Cop: Romba nandringa ayya. Teynampettainnu illa. Gemini flyover signal, Stella Maris signal, illenna oru Gandhi Selai signal kooda ok saar.  (Thanks a lot Sir! I’m not very particular about Teynampet. Even if its Gemini flyover signal, Stella Maris signal or Gandhi Statue signal, I’m fine Sir.)

———————————————————————————————————————————————

IT Project Manager: Will see…Now please go and continue your call with onsite.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

Traffic Sergeant: Seri paakalamya….Adho anga oruthan helmet podama varran paaru..Avana niruthu…(Ok will see. Watchout. Stop that guy who is riding without a helmet…)

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Leadership Qualities – As told by Krishna

April 19, 2010
Krishna advising Arjuna

Krishna advising Arjuna

Arjuna: O favourite son of Mathura, stealer of Gopikas’ hearts, Say, Krishna, what qualities should one possess to rule the great nation of Bharatha (India) in 21st century?

Krishna: Listen with all ears, O’ Prince that holds the Kandeepa, there be three qualities that the ruler of Bharatha ought to possess, namely,

Na merudaNa – No Backbone : Take note Arjuna, best archer among the 3 worlds, possessor of this value will not discriminate anyone based on caste, creed, color, race, ethnicity, language, nationality whilst beseeching for votes and will bow down at anyone’s feet who possesses the enormous power of wealth and political support.

Na merudaNa – No Backbone

Na merudaNa – No Backbone

vaMzakramena praaptadravya – Heirloom : The great populace of Bharatha, pay attention O’ brother of Yudhishtira, are suckers for political heirlooms. Being born in a clan of political bigwigs is a sure and effortless way to become the ruler of Bharatha.

vaMzakramena praaptadravya – Heirloom

vaMzakramena praaptadravya – Heirloom

vasusaMpuurNa – Full of Riches – Arjuna, spouse of Draupati, son of Kunti, the paramount of all qualities is to be full of riches. The dhanika (rich man) can procure votes, political alliances, people support and bend the law to his will. This is the most important quality to become the sovereign of the great Bharatha varsha.

vasusaMpuurNa – Full of Riches

vasusaMpuurNa – Full of Riches (Thats a currency garland)

Arjuna: Krishna! as I behold, My members fail, my tongue dries in my mouth, A shudder thrills my body, and my hair Bristles with horror; from my weak hand slips Kaandeepa, the goodly bow; a fever burns My skin to parching; hardly may I stand; The life within me seems to swim and faint. (this is an excerpt from Gita as it is)

Pray tell me, the lord whose face shines like thousand suns, what necessary leadership qualities should we mortals possess to be a successful IT Project Manager?

Krishna: O great one among the Pandava brothers, who hit the rotating fish’s eye by just seeing a reflection in water, you ought to know better to refrain from asking juvenile questions. Refer the “Dummies guide for IT project management” for such trivial topics.

Dummies guide for IT Project Management

Dummies guide for IT Project Management

Serial Killers of India

April 14, 2010


Serial Killers on prowl across India

Reports on suicide among men aged between 18 and 99 are reported across the cities of Chennai, Mumbai, Bangalore, Kolkata, Delhi and villages of all sizes and proportions. It has been suspected that the suicides are a direct result of coming into contact with these serial killers. These serial killers are suspected to induce suicide among menfolk by a combination of high pitched vocal noises, jarring music and illogical words. The victims usually cut their throat with a “Mokkai” blade or cut their wrists or jump from the second floor of their suburban apartments. Though their sightings are widely reported, these serial killers are unable to be stopped by the law enforcement officers due to overwhelming support by the womenfolk of India.
Media widely claims that this is an act by womenfolk to avenge the menfolk for the female infanticide that diseased the country during the early part of 19th century.
The Police have drawn a sketch of their behaviour pattern which is presented below :

Classification

  • SoapOperatus Maranamokkaiyo Tearjerkeralus

Inspired by

  • Days of our lives
  • The bold and the beautiful

General Motive:

  • * To Get Revenge
  • * Business Enmity
  • * Marital Discords
  • * Sibling Rivalry
  • * Torturing In-Laws

Modus Operandi

  • Cry like the world is coming to an end
  • Shriek with decibel levels of over 110dB – Equivalent of a car horn
  • Play a rambam(chainsaw like) music at 110 db
  • Confuse the human mind with illogical relationships that put Jerry Springer to a shame

Affectionately Called As

  • Tear-Jerkers

Target

  • Unsuspecting males of age between 18 and 99
  • Men belonging to 28 states, 7 union territories and expatriates living in all the countries that have a satellite telecast of Indian media.
  • Attacks usually between 11 AM to 4 PM and then again from 7 PM to 11 PM

Below are some of the pictures of these serial killers. (As reported earlier, they could not be stopped even though they were available to have their pictures taken.)

SunTV

SunTV

JayaTV

JayaTV

Colors

Colors

StarPlus

StarPlus

UdayaTV

UdayaTV

Bharati TV

Bharati TV

ZeeTV

ZeeTV

VijayTV

VijayTV

Sorry for those who were expecting a post on Charles Sobhraj, Auto Shankar or Moninder and Koli.

This post is not about Charles Sobhraj, Auto Shankar or Pandher & Kohli. But a different breed of serial killers that get sponsorships and have full support of womenfolk. These serial killers are worser than the afore-mentioned real ones, coz they torture us to a slow painful death. Also unlike the other serial killers, they have a well founded motive. And the motives can be classified into

  • Extramarital Affair
  • To Get Revenge
  • Business Enmity
  • Marital Discords
  • Sibling Rivalry
  • Torturing In-Laws

Now you might have guessed I’m talking about the television serials at prime time where somebody or the other always cries so much with a rambam music that we badly want to kill ourselves. All the television serials between 7 PM and 11 PM in all the channels center abound these 6 themes. Its just that the order of these serials might differ from one channel to the other but the content remains the same. Following are screenshots of TV serials taken during prime time last week.

Sania Mania and the Cosmological Constant

April 12, 2010

I dont know how many of you guys are fans of Doordarshan. Doordarshan’s importance cannot be taken lightly.

After a long research and analysis, I now begin to suspect Doordarshan is the Cosmological Constant that Einstein mentioned in his field equation. When everything expands, time, space, 3rd dimension (Why do they call it ‘di’mension when its the third. Shouldn’t it be ‘tri’mension?), 4th dimension and all other dimensions, there is one thing in the universe that remains constant. And that my dear friends is Doordarshan. I’ll tell you why at the end of this post.

As per Wikipedia,

“Breaking news or special report is a current event that broadcasters feel warrants the interruption of scheduled programming in order to report its details. Many times, breaking news is used after the news network has already reported on this story. When a story has not been reported on previously, the graphic and phrase Just In is sometimes used instead. Its use is often loosely assigned to the most significant story of the moment or a story that is being covered live. It could be a story that is simply of wide interest to viewers and has little impact otherwise.”

The below news item that got breaking news slots was not

  • Path breaking
  • News breaking
  • TV breaking

or breaking anything for that matter. (May be a little ‘heart breaking’ for some guys).

Somebody’s gotta tell the Indian News media the truth.

We didnt watch Sania playing tennis coz she was good at it…We watched her coz she wore mini skirts and she was hot in it.

Now that she is not playing tennis and she is not wearing mini skirts, why would anyone watch a piece of news about her marriage? I could have almost forgiven the media if her wedding was a small snippet in the news but to give it the stature of breaking news when 79 CRPF men were killed by Maoists is unpardonable.

CNN IBN

CNN IBN

Headlines Today

Headlines Today

IBN7

IBN7

IBNLive

IBNLive

NDTV 24X7

NDTV 24X7

NDTV_India

NDTV_India

Sun News

Sun News

Times Now

Times Now

Zee News

Zee News

People from Indian News media…please listen….. WE DONT CARE!!!!!!!!!!

While all the news channels were covering Sania Shoaib wedding, our good old DD covered this

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.

.

.

.

.

.

.

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Doordarshan

Doordarshan

Pity Einstein couldnt live to see this!!!

Meanwhile, Indian News media…Pongada Dei

holybook – I prove the existence of GOD(s)

April 10, 2010

Disclaimer: This post is purely an attempt to exceed mokkai standards and touch the ‘soora mokkai’ level and nothing else. Do not take offense to using your favourite God, or for not using your favourite God. Also, I’m not a heretic or an atheist. Afterall, I now prove that GOD exists( or should I say GODs exist). (Read my About page to understand Mokkai and Soora Mokkai)

It was one of those days when everything went wrong (not in my life mate…my life is great…I’m talking about the Chennai Super Kings!!!). Murali Vijay got out for a paltry score, Hayden was scoring only run a ball, poor scoring rate for a T20 game….I was praying fervently for a CSK miracle. It happenned. Yes a miracle. But not for CSK as much as it was a miracle for me. I stumbled on a website that only very few humans have got a chance to make it to. So considering the fact that general welfare of the human beings is my sole aim in life and since I don’t think about anything other than goodness for humans, I took a screenshot and I’m presenting it here. Yes GOD exists. But the bad news is, they are not going to be much useful to us since this is what they are doing…(Click on the image to view it enlarged)

HolyBook - Click on image to view it enlarged

Click here to see Facebook Mahabharata by the blogging genius Krish Ashok.


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