Archive for the ‘Marana Mokkai’ category

Suppandi’zation of the Indian sub-continent!

September 23, 2013

 “People build homes on the slopes of beautiful Mount Kilauea and then they wonder why they have lava in their living-room.” —George Carlin

The etymology of the word Suppandization (Copyrighted) lies in one of the most popular Indian comic icon Suppandi. For those who haven’t ventured into the Indian comics world, Suppandi is a village simpleton who follows orders literally with little or no application of mind to weigh the cause and effect of his actions. The process of Suppandization is to condition mentally fit kids into submission and rid of their critical thinking abilities as they grow. This is a long process that takes about 20 years of a person’s life time. But the results are quite staggering.

The Cause:

The Process of Suppandization

The Process of Suppandization

If you took your time to go through the Suppandization process listed above, you will see that the process is achieved through the following.

1. Compulsion to conform

2. Systematic threats of punishment (especially violence)

And this process is aided by parents, teachers, professors, and pretty much the society as a whole.

The Effect:

The effect of Suppandization is there for everyone to see:

1.  Number of Suppandis in a country is inversely proportional to the number of patents filed.

Patents in Force

Patents in Force

2. More the companies that sell readymade projects to college students, more effective is the suppandization process.

(Just google final year project and check out the number of companies that sell projects. )

3. After such a mental conditioning all through his/her life, when the newly appointed Director in a corporate company asks for monthly innovations from his employees, the poor suppandi kids can say only “verum kaathu thaan varudhu”. (Pinna avan kitta enna adutha industry changing idea’va varum?). As a quick tip, please dont ride your employees hard for innovation. It takes a while to De-suppandify the 20 odd years of Suppandization.

That being said, here is a quick questionnaire for you to check if you are a Suppandi.

1. You purchased/googled/piggybacked your engineering project in college.

2. The best practice for which you got an award at work was obtained from Google.

3. You remain silent in meetings without voicing your opinions even though you know the meeting is a criminal waste of time.

If Yes is the answer for atleast two of the above questions, then you too are a SUPPANDI!!

Here is a quick demo of Suppandization from the popular Tamil movie “Chinna Gounder”!

Disclaimer – This post is merely a sarcastic attempt in explaining the low innovation levels in India’s colleges and offices. I don’t condone or condemn the Suppandization process.

BTW, before you leave, you can leave your feedback by liking or rating this post.

You can also share it in FB, Twitter, Pinterest etc etc.. Thats why all these colorful buttons are there.

Awesomest Road Signs – Where can you find it? India, ofcourse!!

August 1, 2013

Until a few years back, when I was living in a suburb of Chennai famous for its temples and dusty unpaved pathways, the term “Road Sign” to me meant  pretty much what “Ice Fishing” means to a Libyan. Only thing about a Road that’s tangible in those parts of the town is “road tax” that all vehicle owners pay to the government. Coming from such a background, when I went to college in the city, I failed to notice the road signs most of the time and fell pray to the ingeniously criminal ways in which the Chennai traffic police laid traps using the road signs. I then learned that the two most important road signs in Chennai city are the ‘No Entry” and “No Free Left” signs.

Important Sign no.1 - No Entry

Important Sign no.1 – No Entry

Strategically placed behind a tree or a lamp post, these signs usually don’t fall in the visual spectrum of the passing vehicles, especially if one is driven by a guy from the dusty unpaved pathways suburb. And when the vehicle misses the road sign and turns left on a “No Free Left” road, one can meet the pound to pound equivalent of a Spanish matador. In case you don’t get it, I’m referring to the Chennai Traffic police here who jump on the middle of the road without a care in the world and catch the handle bars of a still moving motorcycle and stop the traffic violator, all with the ease of a Spanish matador taking a large-ass bull by its horns.

el matador de Chennai

el matador de Chennai

Heard about the term “Culture Shock”, used to describe the strangeness in ways of a new foreign land? Well I experienced it first hand on my first visit to the US when I saw a multitude of road signs everywhere. Further shocking was the fact that they had to be taken seriously and if not Uncle Sam’s long arm wouldn’t hesitate to take out a hefty fine for the violation, that is if you’re still alive after the accident that you get into by violating the road sign.

But nothing quite prepared me for the awesomeness of road signs within India itself, on the mountainous border states in the north. I learnt that road signs can have genres too. Patriotic, romantic, quirky, witty, cheesy…you name it and we’ve got it. And what better way to ensure the motorists listened to the road signs than when they are put up by a bro!!

Touching an emotional chord!

Touching an emotional chord!

Scare Tactics

Scare Tactics

A little advice to the passenger as well!

A little advice to the passenger as well!

And then there is patriotism with a tinge of secularism!

And then there is patriotism with a tinge of secularism!

Sometimes just plain facts are useful too!

Sometimes just plain facts are useful too!

This is the land of love!

This is the land of love!

Can't say I don't agree.

Can’t say I don’t agree.

And then there is good old prohibition!

And then there is good old prohibition!

And ofcourse, for the philosophically inclined.

And ofcourse, for the philosophically inclined.

And even if these signs don’t convince you to follow the road signs, you’ve got to atleast listen to your authority, especially if its your BRO!!

BRO – Border Roads Organisation

BTW, before you leave, you can leave your feedback by liking or rating this post.

If you think your friends too need to undergo the mokkai, you can also share it in FB, Twitter, Pinterest etc etc.. Thats why all these colorful buttons are there.

Disclaimer: I gathered all these pics without moving my butt from my chair thanks to the internet. But if you have copyrights issue with these pics, please do let me know.

Corporate Culture & Katchi Politics – A Genetic study on how ‘Kaaka Catching’ unites the Indian populace

February 17, 2013

gene is a molecular unit of heredity of a living organism.

                                                                                                         – Wikipedia

If you’re one among those that distances themselves from the “Kaaka Catching” (or “Crow Catching”) Round (vattam), Big Round(maa-vattam) and other variously shaped low level politicians, I’ve got news for you. A casual peek at the adult human male behaviour in India indicates that poster otting, banner katting, katchi politics is quite analogous to the newsletter sending, email spamming corporate culture. The all pervasive underlying behaviour in question is called “Kaaka Catching” (in Tanglish) and “Crow Catching” (in English).

The etymology of “Kaaka Catching” would have to be explained in a separate blog after much deliberation and brainstorming. For now, in short, “Kaaka Catching” is otherwise known as Butt Kissing, Boot licking or Sucking Up.

How, in the afterlife paradise, you may ask, do I see a commonality in the genetic behaviour of an Indian male that ottifies posters and kattifies banner for his favourite politician or a film star with that of the computer programming, coffee day kadalai pottufying, so called “modern” Indian youth. Well, it’s just quite obvious. Infact, if you’re keen and observant, you can find multiple levels of Kaaka Catching in the following snippet.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Place: Party Office of Saidapet Vattam of “Srini Munnetra Kazhagam” (Srini Development Party)

Conversation between Round Secretary (Vatta Seyalallar) and Round Official (Vatta Aluvalar)

RS: See, this year, we should put up the tallest cutout in the entire Tamil Nadu for annan Srini’s birth day.

RO: Thalaiva don’t worry. We’ll put up a display that stuns everyone in the state!

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Place: Kekkaran Mekkaran IT Solutions Conf room

Conversation between Project Leader and Software Engineer

PL: Hey listen, we should throw the nicest birthday party for our project manager.

SE: Don’t worry boss. We’ll get the most ‘ego boosting’ cake and banner for him. We’ll also throw in a “World’s Best Boss” mug!

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

(The discussion is continued in parallel from here…)

RS: I’m reiterating again man, unless we create visibility and attention of our party heads, we can’t think about getting an MLA ticket.

RO: Thalaiva..I’ll make sure Srini annan himself will notice this and you get a special place in our annan’s heart, so that you can get the MLA ticket during the upcoming elections (in mind: and so I can become the Round Secretary!!).

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

PL: I’m telling you again buddy, these are opportunities for us to create visibility and make an impact at the senior management level.

SE: Boss, I’ll make sure our PM’s ego is sufficiently boosted and he is happy so that this year’s appraisal goes smooth for you (in mind: for me too!!)

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

The end result goes something like this!!

Katchi Package

Srini_CutOut

Katchi Package

Corporate Package for Boss

BossPackage

Corporate Package for Boss

End of the day, if the annan or the boss doesn’t feel like this, your can rest assured you are still a noob in “Kaaka Catching” and you have a long way to to go in the traffic jam ridden Indian “Kaaka Catching” road.

The Boss

The Boss

So next time you drive your car in the OMR to your office while giving condescending looks at cut outs and banners, remember to remember the similarities between the corporate package you put up for your boss and the Katchi cutouts out up by the low rung politicians. And if you’re mind is scientifically bent even a little, you would understand that this is nothing but genetics at play and that you both belonged to a same ancestor few thousand years ago.

P.S. – Let history note down that Srini did his part in trying to unify Indians with his study on genetics and Kaaka Catching.

Disclaimer: For the humour and sarcasm challenged, this post is just a satire and an exaggeration. And no. There is no Srini Development Party in real world and I do not have any ambitions politically. 

Indian Spirituality & Tea Kadai Testimony!

November 12, 2012

Disclaimer: All characters, incidents mentioned here are fictional and yeah I don’t take responsibility for anything written in this blog 😛

What’s common between Mylapore & Nanganallur in Chennai, one might ask. And the answer from an unobservant, un-Mycroft-like mind would be that both have lots’a temples. But for a keenly observant mind, it goes much more than that.

People from the United States, if you’re wondering from where the Indian whiz kids that make up the majority of Silicon Valley’s  start-ups and boot-ups come from, its precisely from these two places from the city of Chennai. Chances are, any 60 and older person you meet in these two places has a son or daughter studying in Stanford, MIT or any other top school for Science & Technology or working in top companies like Microsoft, Google, Facebook etc.

And all those 60 and above persons would have visited the US atleast once and some of them may even be green card holders spending 6 months in India and 6 months in the States. Overhearing such 60 year olds while standing in line to meet Mr.Kabali in Mylapore, I happenned to ponder over the vagaries of life yet again. And I decided at that moment, unlike last time when I got enlightenment in the Japanese town of Suzuki, I would this time seek answers from an Indian guru meditating atop the sacred hills of “Tirisulam”, for the lack of vacation leaves this year.

After an arduous task of driving through peak hour Chennai traffic and negotiating the slow driving of America going Mylaporites and Nanganallurites near the Chennai airport, I reached the foothills of Tirisulam. Deciding to take a tea break, I took a seat(or a bench) in the tea shop close by.

Sipping hot water with a slight tea flavouring, I pondered over the discussion I overheard in Mr. Kabali’s abode. It went like this :

Mr. Subbu..what I'm saying is.......

Mr. Subbu..what I’m saying is…….

“Mr.Vaithy: Hello Mr. Subramaniam! How are you? When did you come back from the States?”

“Mr.Subbu: Hello Mr.Vaidyanathan! I’m very good. Just came back last Sunday. In Singapore Airlines. This time I strictly told my son, who is working in Facebook, to not book in any other flights!!”

“Mr.Vaithy: Ya ya! They are the best airlines. Enna service enna service!!! So how was life in Palo Alto??”

“Mr.Subbu: What to say Mr.Vaithy!! It’s a materialistic life there. Only in India do we find Spiritualism. Only Spiritualism gives comfort to the mind. All these western countries are running behind money!!”

“Mr.Vaithy: Absolutely Mr.Subbu. Spiritually enriching life in India is the best.”

And the conversation continued on the nature of spiritually enriching life in India amongst other topics such as 2 hour powercut in the state, Arvind Kejriwal and the Bama vs. Rukmaney contest (although I think this was about Obama vs. Romney contest..oh what the hell..I may have heard it wrong).

My deep thinking was disturbed by loud discussion between two guys, who were most probably drivers of cab services that ply to the airport, who came to the tea shop as well.

“Enna pa…night full duty’a innikku??”

“illa pa…en duty over.. just now dropped a family in the airport who is sending off their son to US.”

“Yaen pa…why is everyone going to the US?? India’la thaan we have spirituality and happiness!!”

“Innapa solre?? In India everything is centered on Money. US is exact opposite of that!!”

“You’re telling the exact opposite!!! How do you say this??”

“Listen – Based on what are Indian marriages arranged?”

“Mostly family decides based on the couple’s caste, family status, available properties and also if the boy and girl like each other.”

“Right. But what will happen if the caste, family status and properties don’t match but the boy and girl like each other??”

“Then they will not proceed with the marriage!”

“Right. So caste and money are the fulcrums that hold the marriage together. Agree??”

“Hmm…I’m not sure!!”

“Take your time!! Think about it. Also consider this. Why do we not encourage our kids in sports, or other non-science courses?”

“Ennapa ippdi kekkare?? If they study something non-science and play sports, how will they make money?”

“So we believe children will be happy only with money and not by doing what they like.”

“I’m confused!”

“It’s easy. What I’m trying to say is, Indians base everything with money. But say we are a spiritualistic country. Whereas in the US and other western countries, they marry out of love and do jobs as per their liking while money is a positive cause-effect.”

“But What about our temples? Our peace of mind due to our spirituality??”

“What peace of mind? When does a person in India lives with peace??

  • He struggles to get his daughter married to a rich family.
  • Makes his son study science while restricting his other talents for sports and arts.
  • Ensures he earns well abroad in the States or Europe.
  • Basically we search for spiritual peace by accomplishing material goals.
  • I don’t know what spiritual peace is but one thing i’m sure of is it is definitely not what we have in India.”

“So you’re saying caring for our kids to have a prosperous life is wrong??”

“Ofcourse not. All I’m saying is, don’t call yourself  spiritual when your peace depends on materialistic accomplishments.”

“I don’t understand a thing man!! All I know is, I get my “spirit”ual peace in TASMAC :)”

Off they went. But things began to clear up for me. Now I have no need to go uphill to meet the sage. This Tea kadai is my bodhi tree.

Kutti Chuvar Chronicles – Part 4 – Honoring an Ancient Kutti Chuvarite Tradition

August 24, 2011

This post is a homage and a dedication to all those kutti chuvarites who fight tooth and nail to uphold an ancient Kutti Chuvar tradition

Most people know Indians invented the zero. Have you ever asked WHY?

Did you know that a Kutti Chuvarite was instrumental in helping invent zero??

Circa 5th Century BC

Location: Kutti Chuvar – Somewhere in India

3 Kutti Chuvarites discussing about the mathematics test scheduled for the next day.

KC 1 – Did anyone study for the maths test scheduled tomorrow by Pingala Sir?

KC 2 – Not yet…but I’m gonna study right after this game of Soma Pong.

KC 1 – Dude that’s the spirit…

KC 3 – Guys, this is bad. Pingala sir sets really tough questions for the tests. I’m going to go and study.

KC 1 – You go now and you’ll be kicked out of the Kutti Chuvar

KC 3 – That’s fine. I’m going to concentrate on my studies and become a great inventor and have my name etched for eternity.

KC 1 – Well I’m gonna write so much in the answer palm leaf tomorrow that I’m going to be honored for eternity by the whole world.

Present: 2011 AD

Location: Some Kutti Chuvar in Southern Parts of Chennai City

KC 1: Fellas do you know why we invented Zero?

KC 2:  Sure. here is how the story goes..during the ancient times, in the University of Pataliputra, a certain mathematics teacher was correcting the answer palm leaves of the Quarterly examination conducted for class 10 students. One great Kutti Chuvarite,  in that class had written so much garbage in his answer palm leaf that the mathematics teacher had to invent a new number “0” to grade him.

Ancient Kutti Chuvarite Helping the Invention of Zero

Ancient Kutti Chuvarite Helping the Invention of Zero

That’s the first person in history to score zero in exams. That is why we Indians still honor him by scoring a zero in atleast one test in a lifetime.

Indians, as we know are very proud of their heritage. They wouldn’t miss an opportunity to showcase their rich cultural history & honour their First Zero Getter whenever they get a chance.

For e.g.

The Indian cricketers find it against their culture to hit a ball, which is in the shape of a zero, which is why they get out so early without scoring runs.

Also, Indian Cricketers score zero runs in matches to honour our ancient inventors and proclaim our achievement to the world.

Sehwag Honouring India's Ancient Kutti Chuvarite!!

Sehwag Honouring India's Ancient Kutti Chuvarite!!

Infact, India’s Parliament is a structural homage to the first zero getting Kutti Chuvarite!!

Indian Parliament - A Structural Homage to FZGKC

Indian Parliament - A Structural Homage to FZGKC

So whats the moral of the story, you may ask.

It is that, don’t scold your kids for scoring zero for they are honoring their ancestors and upholding an ancient tradition!!!

Credit – The original modern day Kutti Chuvarite who came up with the reasoning behind the invention of Zero is him. I’m surprised for his devotion & homage to Zero scorers since I remember he always scored 5 marks in any form of exam..nothing more, nothing less.

Etymology of “Uncle”

January 16, 2011

Etymology: It is the study of the history of words, their origins, and how their form and meaning have changed over time.

The word “Uncle” was originally coined by native speakers of an island called Britan in the 13th century. They just conceived this word to refer a male member of the family. No way would the native speakers have predicted the indiscriminate and variegated usage of the word “Uncle” in India in the 21st century. Perhaps “Uncle” is one word that has served as an elixir, a tree of knowledge, for the Indian youth.

Buddha had his Bodhi tree to attain enlightenment…but the Indian kids have the word “Uncle” to attain enlightenment.

Let me explain why…When the teenagers world over are confused about their identity (if they are men or kids), the Indian teenagers never face such identity crises. Coz we rely on our neighboring kids to solve the identity problem. We know we are no more kids and we are adults right when the neighbor kids start calling us “Uncle”. Till that day, we were being called as “Anna”, “Bhaiyya”, “Annaiya”,”Cheta” etc. But I got to be honest. It’s never easy to hear being addressed as “Uncle” for the first time. We infact give the kids 5 bucks and tell them not to call us uncle. But we can only postpone the inevitable until the kids realize they find joy in seeing us mad and seething in anger rather than buying candies for 5 rupees. But I got to credit the kids. Though they call the boys as uncle, they are wise to never address a girl as aunty. My sister is still an “akka” though she is 3 years over the “Uncleing/Auntying” age.

"Unclicized"

"Unclicized"

The word “Uncle” is also a special word. The reason being, the word can be used to address someone in an affectionate as well as a derogatory term. For example:

Addressing a stranger: “Uncle what’s the time?” – General courteous way

Addressing a Cop: “Uncle what’s the time?” – Soooo derogatory that the cop may arrest you on false charges and make sure you are getting hanged by the neck until dead!!! (And I don’t think there is any KuttiChuvarite youth in the city who wouldn’t have called a Cop as uncle from a distance of atleast 137 metres and ran away before the Cops’ brain realizes what just happened and made an attempt to catch the KuttiChuvarite.)

We will not turn until you stop calling us "Uncle"

We will not turn until you stop calling us "Uncle"

The subtle sarcasm that can be achieved from the word “Uncle” is quite evident for people in Tamil Nadu. To explain to an outsider, “Pimps are called “Uncle”…and so are the cops.”

We love this word so much that we call our First Prime Minister of Independent India as “Uncle” Nehru.

Uncle Nehru

Uncle Nehru

Btw, Wouldn’t it be logical to celebrate Uncle Nehru’s anniversary as “Uncles’ Day” instead of “Childrens’ Day”???

We celebrate Dr. Radhakrishnan’s anniversary as Teachers’ Day since he was a Teacher. So logically speaking, Nehru’s anniversary should be “Uncles Day” since he was an Uncle!!!!

Critical and Original Thinkining apart,  the most favourite Uncle of the whole of India for an entire generation, until a while after the Indian economy opened up, was..

Bole Mere Lips...I Love Uncle Chips!!!

Bole Mere Lips...I Love Uncle Chips!!!

License to Cheat Death!! – Mother of All Leaked Emails

November 13, 2010

Foreword: In Hindu mythology, Yama Dharmaraja is the God of Death, justly punishing the bad and rewarding the good. He lives in Yama Logam or the Abode of Yama. He is assisted in his duties by Chitra Gupta who maintains the ledger of good and bad for all things living. Chitra Gupta is further assited by Vichitra Gupta. The actual task of taking lives is carried out by a certain class of angels called Kingaras. Dhooma Ketu and Bheema Ketu are the two well known angels of death.

Kailasam: Abode of Lord Shiva; Vaikuntam: Abode of Lord Vishnu; Brahma Logam: Abode of Brahma

Below is a depiction of Yama Logam

Yama Durbar

Yama Durbar

 

Location: Chennai                                                                                                                                                                      Date: Present Day

Srini:Auto!!!!

AutoRickshaw Driver: Where to?

Srini: T.Nagar.

5 minutes pass…

Srini: Driver…thats a red signal..you need to stop.

Auto: Don’t worry…today is Sunday…

Srini: ???????

The above is an actual conversation that took place last week.

I was very much confused by the conversation that i started thinking about why it didn’t matter when it’s a sunday. Could it be possible that the Autorickshaw driver knew something that I didn’t? And I’m seeing a lot of other road violations too. Could they all know something that I don’t know?

Well yeah!!!! Looking at the email that I received, seems like the Auto Driver is justified.

Click to enlarge:

Note:Read from the bottom.

License to cheat death

License to cheat death


%d bloggers like this: